Me The Minority

How do you suddenly feel that our country is filled with non-Singaporeans?

I was at Woodlands MRT on Saturday afternoon queueing up at the counter to top-up my ez-link card. Not those auto machine type of counter but the manual kind. So anyway, I was in the queue and the 2 persons infront of me and behind me was talking away loudly on their phones. That made me look closer and I noticed that all 3 infront of me and another 2 behind be were all talking away either with their friend/partner/spouse/phone. From their language and accent, I knew that they were all from the same country which produces almost everything fake.

I was the ONLY true bred Singaporean in the queue of a total of 6 people. I felt.....uncomfortable. Kind of like being in a foreign land and trying to take the subway. Weird.

Dancing Legs

Was having lunch with my kids at home on Sunday when I saw my little boy shaking his legs which was hanging from the dining chair.

"Don't shake your legs" I told him.

He replied me, "No, I not shaking my legs. My legs dancing."

As if that wasn't a smart enough reply, he followed on by asking me "Your legs dunno how to dance aarrhh??"

I was stumped for words. Here is a 3yrs and 9 months old boy talking to me about dancing legs.

手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱

我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概

不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来 伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌 写着等待

最后的疼爱是手放开
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害


So meaningful..... to me at least.

Me So Handsome But Naughty

Yong Ye came out of his bath this evening and ran to me saying "Mummy, I bathe already. See I so handsome!!" while pointing to his just combed wet hair.

5 minutes later, he refused to talk to me. He told his sister "I don't like mummy." All because I took out the potato crisps to eat and he wants to hold the whole canister to eat on his own and I refused.

Sigh. The joys of parenthood.

The Old & The New

Went back to my old office today for a meeting. Felt a strong sense of nostalgia when I stepped into the premises.

I thoroughly enjoyed my stay there during the close to 5 years stint I spent there. Today, I went back there in a different role. Met old colleagues and friends. Some even came out specifically to look for me when they heard I was back. I experienced a fuzzy warm feeling.

I have not regretted leaving Ctx at all as it was necessary for me to do so in order to advance my career. But at times, I do think about how things might have been different for me if I hadn't made the move back then. I have had both good and bad experiences the past 3 years since I left and all of it helped me grow and learn.

It felt good to be able to step back into the very place which allowed me to get into this line. Was really touched that ex-colleagues genuinely felt happy to see me. I was pretty sure I did well during my stay there professionally and definitely was friends with everyone there. I feel so comforted.

Sigh. My life is so fucked all because of that bitch. I hate her.

Ignored

I am so used to being ignored that I am starting to doubt if I even exist.

No, I am not being emo and stop telling me that I am letting my thoughts run wild or being to sensitive. I am so tired of all the many reasons, excuses or whatevers. I should just convince myself that I am simply transparent and that would definitely make alot more sense.

So be it.

New Love

His name is Chuck. I love him!!!!

If you have no idea what am I talking about, go watch Gossip Girl. It just further confirms that I like bad boys. Duh.

My Channel 5 Boy

My boy is a channel 5 kid. His primary language is English and so far can only say the following in Mandarin:

1) Daddy/Jie Jie/Aunty/Mummy 在哪里？
2) 晚安
3) 救命啊！！！

A grand total of 3 phrases. We need to do something. Fast.

Power Of Love

Watched "Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past" last evening, complimentary tickets!! There was a phrase which made me think a little....... "Power in a relationship lies with the one who care less."

But, the one who care less is not necessarily the one that is happier.

I think it all boils down to fear. Fear of getting hurt, fear of giving too much and not getting anything in return, fear of disappointment and of course fear of betrayal. But fear, just like jealousy, makes people do silly stuff.

To protect ourselves, we refuse to show our true feelings and build a protective shield against others. Or sometimes to protect ourselves, we choose to attack the other party first. But what would make us drop these defences and finally learn to let go and love with our whole heart and soul without any fears?

If we do not have any reason to fear, then there is no reason to protect ourselves. But for us to not fear, the other party needs to make us believe that there is no reason to. The big question is, which party is able to let go of his/her defences first to make it work?

"No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry."